All Things New

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut – this life – same old, same old. Drudgery, boredom, grinding hard work. It’s easy to forget the good things when you get stuck in this rut. And that’s a shame. We end up longing for change, for something new - a glimmer of hope. This desire for redemption is only natural. The question is, what does this redemption look like? Who’ll deliver it? And do you actually have it already?

Depression, anxiety, fear, worry –these destroy a proper sense of perspective. And Christians aren’t immune. Maybe we should be? But we’re not. We’ve more cause than anyone for rejoicing. So how do we tap into that? And will it help? 

We need to remember what God has done for us. The Son of God could’ve stayed in heaven and enjoyed fellowshipping with the Father and the Holy Spirit. He could’ve let us get on with life. But He had compassion on us, took on human flesh in the person of Jesus, experienced life as a human, showed us what God is like in more than words, allowed Himself to be misunderstood, mistreated, murdered. This is our God! No distant deity who doesn’t care, but one who gets stuck in. Jesus rose from the dead, guaranteeing we’ll rise with Him. He has an eternity planned for us that no human can fully imagine. We await that in faith.

Jesus made some astounding offers. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” And: “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”

We tap into His life by trusting in His promises, His words, in Him. He doesn’t even put a massive burden on us. He made all things new. He ended the requirement of animal sacrifice. He became the better sacrifice. In the New Covenant in His blood, death has been conquered. There are just so many great things which are ours in Christ. Some we experience now, others are yet to come.

And yet… And yet… Is this enough to make us happy? It really should be! And yet…  And yet… We live in a fallen world, we have problems, we suffer. The same was true for Jesus. Being God in human form did not exempt Him. But He’s willing to go through it with us. And He’s put his Spirit in us. And He’s made us a load of promises. And to these we can cling. And we can pray to see these promises. And we can be thankful for what He’s done. And we can seek the help of pastors and health professionals, because we can’t always make it on our own. 

So cling on… Cling on… Many things became new in Jesus. All things will become new.

Vicious Cogs

Things like depression, anxiety, anger, low mood – in fact, any problem that comes under the “mental health” umbrella (and probably any other problem) – do not come out of nowhere and do not continue to exist in a vacuum. You don’t feel anxious or depressed without a cause. The trick is to discover what keeps your particular issue going. And when you’ve discovered that, you can start to tackle it. 

There’s a concept called “vicious cogs”. Imagine a large cog in the centre and smaller cogs linked to it. That centre cog represents the main problem – the smaller cogs are what keep it going. The two are interlinked, feeding off one another. For instance, if anxiety is a problem, it may be kept going by distorted thinking (always assuming the worst will happen, or that there’s bound to be a big disaster heading your way), avoiding situations (in order to spare yourself potential, albeit maybe unlikely, embarrassment), keeping busy (in an effort to avoid thinking), escape (trying to get out of situations in which you think you will feel uncomfortable). These are just examples. By adopting these coping mechanisms you actually perpetuate the anxiety. You assume a problem that may or may not be likely to happen, then you do what you can to make sure it doesn’t happen. For instance, you’re afraid people won’t like you, so you avoid meeting people. But in doing so, you never get to find out whether they like you or not. And that keeps the anxiety in place. And so on…

What you need to do is confront the cogs one by one. This will require courage and you may need the help of others. But once you see that your fears are unfounded (or greatly exaggerated), then you should find your problem gradually overcome.

Here’s a poem I recently wrote about my own vicious cogs. Having identified the problems I have been able to work to overcome them.

*Tiredness*

Constant plodding ache

Affecting mood and motivation

Keep on turning

Keep depression turning

*Negativity*

Stupid this, stupid that

I don't want to do it

Haven't I got enough to think about?

Everything is aggravation

Keep on turning

Keep depression turning

*Low expectation*

Nothing ever changes

Nothing ever will

As it was in the beginning

Is now

And ever shall be

Immortal stagnation

Keep on turning

Keep depression turning

*Withdrawal*

Shunning human company

On my lonesome

It's easier that way

Don't have to think what to say

Isolation

Keep on turning

Keep depression turning

*Lack of motivation*

Can't be bothered

What's the point?

It's too much hassle

Keep on turning

Keep depression turning

Just do it!

Just do it!

Be bothered

Be bothered

Things can change

Exit your safe space

There's a world out there

And it might just want to know you

Overcome the cogs

That keep depression turning

Break each one

Break each one

The key!

The key!

(You can type “vicious cogs” into a search engine to find out more.)

Mind wandering

It’s something we all do. We can’t help ourselves. Really, we can’t! We don’t even know we’re doing it most of the time. Suddenly we become aware of it and have the chance to come back into the room. Mind wandering. It’s what minds do. No activity is immune – eating, having a shower, washing up, watching TV, reading, writing, gardening. Nothing is off limits. The mind will wander.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It depends a lot on when and where it wanders. It can be quite pleasant if you’re doing something boring to drift off into a daydream. Or it can be annoying if you suddenly realise you’ve missed something important because you lost focus for a while. It can be embarrassing if you suddenly find yourself staring at someone! And it can be devastating if it wanders off to worries or problems. Have you got stuck in a loop where your mind brings up the same thoughts, worries and fears over and over? This is the mind wandering we need to tackle most of all. It can destroy happiness. It can ruin our day if we let it.

If we can’t stop the mind wandering, how are we supposed to stop it worrying about the future or dredging up the past? How do we stop it whirling the same old thoughts around and around?

When you notice your mind is wandering to worries or fears, you can stop it. You don’t have to allow the thoughts to play out to a conclusion. Just be aware it’s happening and gently drop the thought in mid-sentence, so to speak. No need to be angry with yourself or shout at your brain to be quiet. Be gentle and kind. You can even thank your mind for bringing it to your attention but tell it you don’t need to be thinking about that right now. Then go back to what you were doing. Of course, the mind doesn’t always get the message and off it goes again. So you just have to keep bringing it back. You may have to do this a lot. With patience and practice, you’ll find you’re able to reduce the amount of worrying which spoils life.

You’ll need to remind yourself that the thing you’re worrying about won’t change just because you keep worrying about it. Worry steals happiness and doesn’t solve the problem. And it tends to make you feel worse. So you end up miserable and get yourself worked up while the problem remains.

If your mind keeps wandering to past events, remind yourself you can’t go back and change the past. You may be able to do something in the present to put it right, in which case do so as and when you’re able. But you can’t change the past by thinking about it over and over.

Another thing that can happen if our minds wander off to worries is that we lose perspective. The worry seems to increase in size as we keep thinking about it. It seems like a mountain when it really is a molehill. We need to calmly, rationally consider how big this problem actually is. If you conclude that it really is a genuine, big problem, then take steps to resolve it. But if you conclude it’s easily dealt with, don’t spend time getting worked up about it.

Break the vicious spiral of worry. Take deep breaths. Be calm. Be rational. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.

Close Up

One thing depression and/or anxiety can do is make us withdraw from things. This may be due to a real root like rejection, fear, uncertainty, exaggeration of risk, poor self-esteem or apathy. Feel free to add to this list.

I’ve spent a long while hiding in my shell. It’s a miserable existence. Not wanting to meet new people as they won’t like me. Not wanting to go out because I feel tired and will keep wishing I could go back home to rest. Not being bothered to do things because there doesn’t seem to be any point to them. Afraid of making a mistake and messing things up. All very negative and mostly nonsense that only existed in my head. So everything becomes a big risk and not worth trying as there seems no benefit, only disadvantages. This is what depression does to a soul.

Hiding yourself away seems like a comfort blanket, but it can be toxic. If you interact with these kinds of thoughts you end up in a vicious spiral, dragged further away from a normal existence. Keeping your distance from things for any of the above reasons means you’ll fail to live a life abundant and will miss out on joy. But we can learn to live life up close and personal rather than from a distance; in the thick of it rather than hidden away in a self-piteous hole.

Maybe you need to take “baby steps”. If you’re the kind of person I describe you’ll need to work towards overcoming. I know it’s easier to find reasons not to do things, but depression and anxiety won’t cure themselves and we need to choose to act against them.

I suggest making a list of things you’d really like to do and of people you’d really like to spend time with. (Yeah, I know, lists are a drag.) Then write for each one why you are holding back. Then write whether you believe this is reasonable or not, and why. Then write what you’d have to gain by doing each thing. (Let’s say this is a risk assessment.) Then finally choose one and arrange it.

In spite of encouraging you to work out positive reasons why you could do x, y or z, I would then suggest you do the thing for its own sake. Put aside expectations because if they’re not met you’ll be disappointed and want to give up. Do it for the sheer sake of it. Then the fact you did it will be a victory in itself! Here’s an example. I decided after a lot of procrastination to sign up to the app Periscope, through which people broadcast whatever they want - live. What could little old me do? I know, I could sing and play the ukulele. It’s quite nerve-wracking at first. What if I make mistakes, what if I mess it up, what if my voice isn’t up to scratch, what if nobody watches… Well, I did it and somehow wondered what the point was. But the point is I like playing the ukulele. I like it when people listen to what I do and show their appreciation but, at the end of the day, I have to enjoy doing it for the sake of it.

So whatever you’re holding back from doing, give it a try. Then try something else new. Live life close up. What’s the worst that can happen? And if there’s a setback – don’t retreat into a shell. Try, try, try again!

Fifty Shades Of Green

Not so long ago we were driving through the countryside (I say, “we” – my wife was driving) and I took the opportunity to observe the scenery. One thing that struck me was how green everything was. Trees, fields, hills… Except it wasn’t green! It was greens! Not just one colour, green, but lots of shades of green! I must’ve noticed this before but it struck me like something new. Darker greens, lighter greens, in-between greens. Consciously observing, rather than casually observing, gave me a greater appreciation for what was right in front of my eyes and what should, really, have been blindingly obvious!

I wonder how much we miss out on in life. We look, but do we see? We taste, but do we savour? We touch, but do we feel? We hear, but do we listen? We smell, but do we…  um, smell?

If I’d been driving, I’d have been unable to appreciate the scenery. Even as a passenger, I may’ve been staring out of the window, lost in thoughts. But this time, for just part of the journey, I observed and appreciated, like a child grasping something as if for the first time and sensing a flash of joy at the discovery.

This is how life is. Sometimes we’re so preoccupied with something we lose the ability to appreciate anything else. We can be so focussed that we become blinkered. We’re so concentrating on what we’re doing it’s like there is nothing else.

Sometimes we’re living so much in our heads with our thoughts and our worries that we just don’t appreciate life anymore. We’re aware that life is happening to us but the trials of life (perceived or real) so dominate our thoughts that we live a kind of shadow life – one of our imagination rather than the real world. We’re in the passenger seat and being driven around by the spectre of fear and anxiety.

Sometimes we’re able to live mindfully, aware of what’s happening in us and around us. This will never happen by accident. We have to make ourselves do it. We have to decide to pay attention. We have to choose to live in the moment, seeing what’s there, being curious, observing, open to discovery. That’s what I chose to do that day while my wife was driving.

I’ve spent so much of my life in fear, worry and anxiety, which is like a grey fog, obscuring life, making me unable to see good things, afraid of what might be around the next corner, shrouding life in a monotonous haze. To see one shade of green is an achievement. To become aware of “fifty” is a bonus.

I’d encourage everyone to take time out each day to be aware. Become aware of what’s happening in your body, of the taste of food, of the feel of objects, of the sounds around you, of the sight in front of you. Become aware of the breath of life within you. Settle down and observe. When thoughts come to drag your mind away, just be aware of that and return to what you were observing. And every time your mind wanders, notice that and come back to what you were observing. You’ll gain a wider appreciation of things, noticing the different shades of life.