Close Up

One thing depression and/or anxiety can do is make us withdraw from things. This may be due to a real root like rejection, fear, uncertainty, exaggeration of risk, poor self-esteem or apathy. Feel free to add to this list.

I’ve spent a long while hiding in my shell. It’s a miserable existence. Not wanting to meet new people as they won’t like me. Not wanting to go out because I feel tired and will keep wishing I could go back home to rest. Not being bothered to do things because there doesn’t seem to be any point to them. Afraid of making a mistake and messing things up. All very negative and mostly nonsense that only existed in my head. So everything becomes a big risk and not worth trying as there seems no benefit, only disadvantages. This is what depression does to a soul.

Hiding yourself away seems like a comfort blanket, but it can be toxic. If you interact with these kinds of thoughts you end up in a vicious spiral, dragged further away from a normal existence. Keeping your distance from things for any of the above reasons means you’ll fail to live a life abundant and will miss out on joy. But we can learn to live life up close and personal rather than from a distance; in the thick of it rather than hidden away in a self-piteous hole.

Maybe you need to take “baby steps”. If you’re the kind of person I describe you’ll need to work towards overcoming. I know it’s easier to find reasons not to do things, but depression and anxiety won’t cure themselves and we need to choose to act against them.

I suggest making a list of things you’d really like to do and of people you’d really like to spend time with. (Yeah, I know, lists are a drag.) Then write for each one why you are holding back. Then write whether you believe this is reasonable or not, and why. Then write what you’d have to gain by doing each thing. (Let’s say this is a risk assessment.) Then finally choose one and arrange it.

In spite of encouraging you to work out positive reasons why you could do x, y or z, I would then suggest you do the thing for its own sake. Put aside expectations because if they’re not met you’ll be disappointed and want to give up. Do it for the sheer sake of it. Then the fact you did it will be a victory in itself! Here’s an example. I decided after a lot of procrastination to sign up to the app Periscope, through which people broadcast whatever they want - live. What could little old me do? I know, I could sing and play the ukulele. It’s quite nerve-wracking at first. What if I make mistakes, what if I mess it up, what if my voice isn’t up to scratch, what if nobody watches… Well, I did it and somehow wondered what the point was. But the point is I like playing the ukulele. I like it when people listen to what I do and show their appreciation but, at the end of the day, I have to enjoy doing it for the sake of it.

So whatever you’re holding back from doing, give it a try. Then try something else new. Live life close up. What’s the worst that can happen? And if there’s a setback – don’t retreat into a shell. Try, try, try again!