The Day That Time Stood Still

I have a friend who is lovely but is at the same time draining to be with. Literally every time I see her she talks about the same past hurts, complains about the same people. And these are the same past hurts and often the same people she was complaining about 25 years ago. And she doesn’t just mention them. She goes over the same details in a non-stop lecture which lasts a good hour. This is sad. It’s as if time has stood still and she is unable to move on. 

How many of us are like that? Old grievances which we can’t let go of, eating us up, while the person responsible for the grievance is unaware of the moans and is merrily living their own life as if nothing had happened? We just hurt ourselves. We need to let go for our own sakes. I appreciate this is harder to do in some circumstances than others. A criminal act may have taken place and that is in a sense another matter, but the principle of moving on for your own wellbeing still applies.

We can feel trapped in time by small things, too, not just big things. We need the wisdom and courage to break out of the chains, to leave the past (which we can’t change) behind and start living in today with a view to making a more positive future. You don’t really want to be bitter and angry all your life, do you?

Here are some things you can try which may help. You may need to try and try and try again. Are you associating with other angry, sad, bitter people? Try pulling back from them a bit and seek out positive people to befriend. Set some positive goals in life – things to look forward to, rather than looking at the past. Instead of letting what happened in the past dictate your life, set a new agenda which will transform you. Tell your friends and family that you no longer want to be held back by the thing that is troubling you. Ask them to interrupt you if you start to dwell on the problem. Have a plan of action for when you are alone – decide on some things you enjoy doing and agree with yourself that, if you start dwelling on that old problem you will go and do something positive instead which will take up your attention. When you start thinking about the bad things life has dealt you, be thankful instead for the things you do have. It’s also going to be necessary to forgive if your problem is the result of what someone did to you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are saying what happened was okay.

You can’t change the past. You only harm yourself by living in it. Try these things. If you have suffered abuse or are unable to overcome, seek professional help where you can.