Misery Loves Company

It shouldn’t really be a surprise but it’s not always opposites that attract. And when it comes to negative or miserable or weary or unpopular or depressed people, we can often spot each other and seek out each other’s company. This will undoubtedly be true of people who fit into other categories but, hey, this is primarily a mental health blog. Having spent much of my life in those categories I have quite some experience of this. We probably do it because we want to talk to people who can sympathise or maybe even affirm us in our misery. But this is possibly one of the worst things we can do. It keeps us chained in the attitude as we commiserate with each other.

But… Doesn’t it feel better to know that we’re not the only ones? Well, perhaps people have different responses but I think the answer is probably “not really”. The fact that someone else is also depressed doesn’t make you any less depressed. The fact that “there’s always someone worse off than you” doesn’t actually make you feel better. You’re so engrossed in feeling your own pain you are not so easily able to feel the pain of others. If I have a raging toothache I’m not going to be cheered up by the thought “well, at least I’m not having my leg amputated”. 

Misery loves company but only serves to perpetuate itself. If you are a negative person and you associate with other negative people you know that association is only going to lead to one thing – moaning, complaining, griping and making you feel worse. You may have “put the world to rights” but trust me, the world ain’t listening and carries on as it always has. The best way to change the world is to become a positive person and use that positive attitude to do something to help rather than bemoan its state.

But how do you change? Can you? Yes, you can! You are not a leopard! Specifics on how to change will depend on the specifics of your issue. (For which, see a health professional or google Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.) But here’s a good principle – seek out company which is positive, happy, unburdened, popular and emotionally stable – basically, everything you’re not! Yes, yuck! But maybe it will lift you up and give you something to aspire to? Some would say abandon your fellow depressives. I don’t think so. Like you, they need help, not abandonment. But be aware. Negativity is a monster that feeds off itself. Start to be a light. Look for the positives in your own life and help the negative people to see the positives in theirs. Change yourself and model the new way for others. And try to make sure you have people supporting you.