Misery Loves Company

It shouldn’t really be a surprise but it’s not always opposites that attract. And when it comes to negative or miserable or weary or unpopular or depressed people, we can often spot each other and seek out each other’s company. This will undoubtedly be true of people who fit into other categories but, hey, this is primarily a mental health blog. Having spent much of my life in those categories I have quite some experience of this. We probably do it because we want to talk to people who can sympathise or maybe even affirm us in our misery. But this is possibly one of the worst things we can do. It keeps us chained in the attitude as we commiserate with each other.

But… Doesn’t it feel better to know that we’re not the only ones? Well, perhaps people have different responses but I think the answer is probably “not really”. The fact that someone else is also depressed doesn’t make you any less depressed. The fact that “there’s always someone worse off than you” doesn’t actually make you feel better. You’re so engrossed in feeling your own pain you are not so easily able to feel the pain of others. If I have a raging toothache I’m not going to be cheered up by the thought “well, at least I’m not having my leg amputated”. 

Misery loves company but only serves to perpetuate itself. If you are a negative person and you associate with other negative people you know that association is only going to lead to one thing – moaning, complaining, griping and making you feel worse. You may have “put the world to rights” but trust me, the world ain’t listening and carries on as it always has. The best way to change the world is to become a positive person and use that positive attitude to do something to help rather than bemoan its state.

But how do you change? Can you? Yes, you can! You are not a leopard! Specifics on how to change will depend on the specifics of your issue. (For which, see a health professional or google Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.) But here’s a good principle – seek out company which is positive, happy, unburdened, popular and emotionally stable – basically, everything you’re not! Yes, yuck! But maybe it will lift you up and give you something to aspire to? Some would say abandon your fellow depressives. I don’t think so. Like you, they need help, not abandonment. But be aware. Negativity is a monster that feeds off itself. Start to be a light. Look for the positives in your own life and help the negative people to see the positives in theirs. Change yourself and model the new way for others. And try to make sure you have people supporting you.

All Things New

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut – this life – same old, same old. Drudgery, boredom, grinding hard work. It’s easy to forget the good things when you get stuck in this rut. And that’s a shame. We end up longing for change, for something new - a glimmer of hope. This desire for redemption is only natural. The question is, what does this redemption look like? Who’ll deliver it? And do you actually have it already?

Depression, anxiety, fear, worry –these destroy a proper sense of perspective. And Christians aren’t immune. Maybe we should be? But we’re not. We’ve more cause than anyone for rejoicing. So how do we tap into that? And will it help? 

We need to remember what God has done for us. The Son of God could’ve stayed in heaven and enjoyed fellowshipping with the Father and the Holy Spirit. He could’ve let us get on with life. But He had compassion on us, took on human flesh in the person of Jesus, experienced life as a human, showed us what God is like in more than words, allowed Himself to be misunderstood, mistreated, murdered. This is our God! No distant deity who doesn’t care, but one who gets stuck in. Jesus rose from the dead, guaranteeing we’ll rise with Him. He has an eternity planned for us that no human can fully imagine. We await that in faith.

Jesus made some astounding offers. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” And: “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”

We tap into His life by trusting in His promises, His words, in Him. He doesn’t even put a massive burden on us. He made all things new. He ended the requirement of animal sacrifice. He became the better sacrifice. In the New Covenant in His blood, death has been conquered. There are just so many great things which are ours in Christ. Some we experience now, others are yet to come.

And yet… And yet… Is this enough to make us happy? It really should be! And yet…  And yet… We live in a fallen world, we have problems, we suffer. The same was true for Jesus. Being God in human form did not exempt Him. But He’s willing to go through it with us. And He’s put his Spirit in us. And He’s made us a load of promises. And to these we can cling. And we can pray to see these promises. And we can be thankful for what He’s done. And we can seek the help of pastors and health professionals, because we can’t always make it on our own. 

So cling on… Cling on… Many things became new in Jesus. All things will become new.