That Went Well, Then!

This post was inspired by something I saw recently. I found it so amusing that I took a photo (with my new smartphone, having upgraded from a bog standard mobile at last – go me!) and that photo is on the left. Someone politely wrote a request on their garage door not to park in front of it. Drew a smiley face to show this was a friendly request. And someone parked in front of it. So, that went well then! 

It raises the issue of free will. Can you expect, as a regular Joe (or Josephine) Public, to be able to make people do what you want? Life would be much easier if they did, but should you expect them to? And what happens when they don’t?

Why would you want people to do what you say? You may be a control freak. You may see someone with a problem and want to help them. You may be a parent seeking a quiet(er) life or, more positively, wanting your children to do their best in life. Plenty of other reasons, I’m sure. You can adopt different strategies. The polite request (see picture!). The guilt trip (if you loved me you would…). The reduction of options (shall we go for a walk or sit on the beach? You want to go for a walk, they hate the beach). Encouragement (give it a go, you’d be great at it and it would help you no end). Flattery (I think you’re brilliant – could you give me a hand with…?). Pity (oh, I’m not well, go and fetch me…). Threat (if you don’t eat your dinner there’s no internet for you!). Well, that’s enough of that! Don’t want to give you too many ideas! 

What happens when the other person won’t play along? I mean, what happens to you? Anger? Frustration? Self-pity? A healthier option is to keep trying and not give up on the person. (I’m assuming here you’re trying to change someone for their benefit, not yours.) Try different positive tactics (there’s bound to be a website for that!). Even if it breaks your heart, don’t give up on the other person. 

You can’t really control other people (in any good sense). They have free will just like you do. The happiest way is to offer to work with them, show them what is for their good, and let them know you’re there for them. Trying to beat someone into submission or put them on a guilt trip isn’t really going to make either of you happy. Neither is the flattery or the pity strategy – that’s just deception. And if the polite request or the encouragement fails, well don’t take it personally even if it annoys you. “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”

I think the person who’s the most vulnerable when it comes to human free will is God. Imagine you’re forever being rejected or disobeyed or your instructions and encouragements are ignored. Thankfully God is good in a way that we’re not. He has many strategies to work in and with us but He respects the free will He gave us. It must break His heart because He doesn’t desire the death of sinners, but that they repent. And does He give up on Christians? The Apostle Paul didn’t think so: “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). If our attitude should be the same as our Father in heaven, we should not give up on each other either.