I had quite a lonely childhood. Partly this may have been due to me isolating myself at times and partly due to being one of those kids that always got left out of things or was the last to be picked for teams. I was quite introspective and unhappy. Teenage years magnified this and unhappiness turned into its evil cousin, misery.
I had always been interested in the supernatural and had a firm belief that some vague kind of God existed out there. I thought that the way to get into heaven was to be good, and, in my eyes, I was good. And I think I really was comparatively good. I didn’t get into trouble or seek to be disruptive. I went to church Sunday School as a child and I believe I liked it. But that ceased when one of the other kids who stopped going turned up after church just to bully me, so I stopped going too.
Losing this contact with God didn’t stop me being interested in the supernatural. I read all manner of books on the occult, ghosts, aliens, divination - and totally scared myself. I became very superstitious and fearful, carrying out rituals to stop vague, bad things from happening to me, afraid of the dark in case a ghost appeared or an alien came to abduct me.
Life went on, and I became more miserable, more lonely, more scared. I hated myself, I hated the world, and became obsessed with wanting it to end. And good riddance! Actually, wanting it to end wasn’t enough, I wanted to know when that would happen. So, aged 18, I set about on a quest to find out when the world would end.
I read parts of books from a few different religions, but they didn’t tell me when it would happen. Then it occurred to me to read the Bible. If the Bible was God’s book, God was sure to know when the world would end and it would be in the Bible. I started reading at the beginning - a task that would take 6 months. But no - no date in the Bible for the end of the world! Then I came across a book by Billy Graham called Approaching Hoofbeats, which was about the last book of the Bible, Revelation. Yes - Revelation! The end of the world! Maybe Billy Graham could tell me!
Well, no. Billy Graham didn’t tell me when the world was going to end. But he told me about Jesus. Why He died and what I could do to know Him and receive eternal life. I knew this was what I wanted and I did it. In my bedroom I prayed to become a Christian, telling God I was sorry for my sins, asking Him to forgive me, and asking Jesus into my life. I felt a tangible whoosh of peace flood my whole body. And that was the day I first met God.
