Where's Your Head At? (Part Two)

Although I’ve called this blog “Part Two”, it’s very much a different aspect rather than a continuation. This blog looks at a Christian issue. Where are our heads at, fellow-Christians? Are we walking by faith or are we walking by sight? Are we fixing our eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith? Are we thinking about “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely?” Are we living like strangers in the world, or are we indistinguishable from it?

Assuming we want to be living as the Bible tells us, how do we do that? This is a subject which has been unnecessarily complicated by the accumulation of 2000 years’ worth of theology, philosophy and the collection of various isms. With a book the size of the Bible it’s hardly surprising if we get a bit confused sometimes. That’s why I’ve picked just a few verses to start us off in the opening paragraph.

It’s important to get our heads right. The mind needs to be renewed by the word of God and the Spirit of God. This is what will transform us into the likeness of Christ and help us not to conform to the pattern of the world (Romans 12:2). Unfortunately, there is a phenomenon in which the opposite happens. People become Christians or come into the church and bring their philosophies in with them. Rather than subjecting these thoughts to the Bible/Church they reject/adapt the Bible/Church to their ideology. I say “they”. We are all prone. Our minds need to be transformed. The Bible doesn’t. 

We are meant to walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7) This is about pleasing God. We are meant to live in the knowledge of His presence, not as if this world is all there is. We are meant to live with a higher purpose in life than fulfilling earthly dreams. There is a resurrection and a judgement to come, and this should influence the way we act. We are meant to follow God’s heart, not our own evil inclinations. We are to avoid sin, not throw ourselves headlong into it. Where is our head at – pleasing God or pleasing ourselves? “We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” (Romans 6:2) “But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.” (1 John 2:1) Sin should not be the norm for the Christian, but if we do sometimes give in, Jesus is there as the route to forgiveness.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8) Paul felt it necessary to advise a first century audience about this. Living in pagan societies it would have been very relevant. It is still relevant today. There is so much that is the opposite of these things staring us in the face. It’s too easy to get engrossed in the negative, the wicked, the ugly. We don’t want to bury our heads in the sand but we also shouldn’t want to fill our heads with filth. 

“Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.” (1 Peter 2:11) We are in the world, but not of it. The way we act should emphasise that distinction. The world here clearly refers to a type of behaviour, not to the planet. Can people tell we are Christians? Can they see we are different? Or do we indulge in the same sins as if being a Christian were nothing special? The preceding verses are: “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” The contrast between what we were in the world and what we are in Christ does not need me to expound it further.

In spite of all this, we are so prone to forget. It is as if we slip and slide away so easily. Our main hope is to keep our minds focussed on the Lord Jesus and all that we are in Him. And to encourage each other to do so.

Where's Your Head At? (Part One)

Which came first – thoughts or (in)actions? Where’s your head at? This is an important question because so much will flow from it, consciously or unconsciously. It’s good to cultivate a focussed mind if we can, rather than one that is scattered all over the place, overcrowded by thoughts which fill us which anxiety and dread. This will help us to put things in perspective and get things done in some sense of order, maybe even to get things done at all. I suggest we don’t really want to be “all over the place”, left hoping we’ll somehow manage to do something useful. We want to achieve, preferably by design. We want to have a target because otherwise we can’t hit it. 

If we notice our minds are dashing all over the place, buzzing around and unable to stay with one thing, we need to recognise that it’s happening, be calm with ourselves, decide we want to focus and then do it without moaning at ourselves or calling ourselves stupid or useless or whatever. We don’t want to stop thinking, we just want to order it. Maybe pause your thoughts, count to ten and say “right, I’m back in the room” and determine to decide what is most important to you now. Out of all the competing thoughts, worries, cares, excitements, which one needs your immediate attention? You may even find the answer to this is “none of them”! Get pen and paper (or some technological equivalent) and make yourself a list of the things you were thinking about. Then next to each one rank them by priority. Write down when they need to be done. Write down how difficult you expect them to be. You’ll probably find out, on reflection, that some things don’t even need to be thought about in advance – they are so straightforward they will take care of themselves when you come to do them. I’ve been like this often in the past, thinking through in detail how to do something which is just so obvious and easy to do that my angst was unnecessary. 

It’s helpful to declutter your mind, to realise that you don’t need to overthink most things. You can try to drop some thoughts which are unhelpful – you don’t have to cling on to thoughts just because you’ve had them. 

If you’ve now got your list, here’s an interesting experiment. Put it aside and do something for the next 30 minutes which isn’t even on it! Something you enjoy. See if you can do that thing without even thinking about your list. You may just find out that the world doesn’t collapse! Then go back to your list and reassess it. And relax.

I'm Just A Sucker With No Self Esteem

Here’s a poem I recently wrote. Being a poem it is necessarily extreme. It is called Self Downing.

I'm bad

I know I'm bad

I'm a sinner

Not a winner

Selfish grinner

Full smile wiped off my dirty face

The lowest of the limbo low

No further southern point to go

Wicked as the devil could be

Despicably depraved me

A wriggly worm in the dirt

A slimy slug in your herbaceous borders

I'm completely out of order

All my thoughts are disgusting

All my words curses

All my deeds dastardly

Totally unlovable

Irredeemable

Every inch a failure

Never hitting the mark

A capital L loser

A pig in a poke

A dog eating its own puke

Pack myself in a suitcase and hide

Nobody deserves to see this

Take me away and throw me into the sea!

Oh mercy me! Oh mercy mercy me!

This addresses an issue which makes and keeps us depressed. We ignore any good in what we do. We ignore any achievements. We use only negative language to describe ourselves. We focus on a bad thing we’ve done and let that colour everything else. We assume we should be more skilful, do more, succeed in everything, be popular. And when we miss that mark we’ve set for ourselves we throw our hands up in the air and declare ourselves useless, hopeless and we stop trying. Rather than looking to see if this was just a blip or a glitch or a bad day, we declare this is everything and this is just how we are and always will be. And that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

How do we get out of this? We calmly and rationally ask ourselves some questions. Starting with why we believe we must be more skilful, more productive, successful, popular. Is there any proof that this is the case? Are these demands real? We then have to assume the answer is no and encourage ourselves with answers like, I would like to be a more skilful person, but there is no proof that I have to be. I would like to be more productive, but there is no proof that I have to be. And so on. This disarms the demands we accepted and turns them into preferences. It releases the pressure valve. We can relax. 

This doesn’t mean we just accept a perceived mediocrity. It should just mean we take off the pressure to perform and change our approach to improvement. We need to change our mindset so we attempt improvement but do not beat ourselves up if we fail sometimes. We keep calm and carry on. We don’t throw in the towel at the first setback.

I want to say something about self-esteem before closing, as that is linked, I think. Constantly putting ourselves down suggests we don’t value our worth. We think we’re either perfect or we’re useless, and there is no middle ground. This black and white thinking is part of the landscape of depression. And coming from a Christian viewpoint I think our understanding of the Bible may contribute to this. Not that the Bible is at fault but rather the depressed mind reading the Bible is at fault. The depressed mind focusses on original sin, “I am a worm and not a man”, “even our good deeds are like menstrual cloths”, I have sinned in every thought and word and deed. It does not focus on original goodness, being made in the image of God, “I have loved you with an everlasting love”, “as the Father has loved me, so have I loved you”. Both sides of this equation are Christian and need to be attended to in their proper contexts. The self-esteem of the Christian does not derive from within, it derives from the knowledge of being created in the likeness of God, being loved by God, being redeemed by God, etc. All these are things which are outside ourselves and in which we played no part. If we gather our self-esteem from what we have done it will be a poor showing. God thinks we are worth it, and so He loved us and sent His only Son for us. This is an act of God which should instil in us a sense of how He values His children.

Overthinking

Overthinking

Analysing to the nth degree

Leading down the path to stagnation

If I ever get on the path

Constantly rethinking

écoute et répète

Incessantly

Excessively

But nothing changes in the thought

Between the third time and the tenth

Stagnation, catastrophization

Huge little obstacle, poses an insoluble problem

This is not a flight I fancy

I must wait a while

Return

And overthink some more

This poem I wrote last year sums up my experience. Thankfully, I seem to have mostly conquered this miserable habit. Thinking the same thoughts over and over, trying to figure something out from all angles, coming to no satisfactory conclusion, continuing to think, to gain some sense of mental control. Only to find out that what I overthought about never came to pass anyway. What a waste of time and effort!

While the desire to analyse and dissect is not in itself wrong, it can become obsessive and stifling. You become a prisoner in your own mind. Say it’s a decision you need to make. Of course you need to think about it, weighing up pros and cons. But at some point you need to decide on a course of action. Overthinking it just makes you uncertain what to do. You procrastinate. You think about it some more. You come to no conclusion. You do nothing. Then, when you can put it off no longer, you fearfully make a decision, worried everything will be difficult and go wrong. In fear and trembling you set the ball rolling – and everything is straightforward, runs smoothly, and you wonder why you made a fuss. And yet next time you go through that whole process again. It’s not a nice way to live, foreseeing imaginary problems, exaggerating threats.

Or another scenario. You know you’re going to have to talk to someone and you know what you want to say. So you try to anticipate how they may respond. Then for every possible response you consider counter responses. And so on. You end up with several potential ways the conversation could go. You get fearful. This conversation takes on a terrifying element. You’re expecting a big battle, a huge falling out. Or maybe you’re expecting to embarrass yourself. With sweaty palms, thudding heart, red face you enter the conversation and find out everything is perfectly cordial. You wound yourself up for nothing.

It’s clear to me that what needs to change is our attitude. When we notice we’ve started to overthink, we need to pause. We need to ask ourselves whether this is really necessary, whether the problem is real or imaginary, what will be gained by overthinking. By all means think things through, but agree with yourself you won’t keep covering the same ground over and over - that you’ll make a decision and stick with it. If you notice yourself going over the same thoughts again and again, calmly keep telling yourself, “I’ve been over that and now I understand, I know what I’m doing, I don’t need to think it through again”. If this is hard, go and do something to distract yourself. Maybe try to write your thought processes and decisions on paper. Then when you start to overthink you can say to yourself, “I’ve been through this already and have written it down – I don’t need to think about it again”. Realise that things are not likely to be as bad as you assume. There may well be difficulties but they’re unlikely to be devastating or impossible to overcome. Assess risk sensibly, don’t inflate it unnecessarily. Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen, then tell yourself that’s extremely unlikely. Remind yourself of past situations when you worried for nothing.

It can take a long while to beat overthinking, but it is worth it. The temptation will often lurk there, but you can beat it.