Happitude

It seems today that everyone is screaming for their rights. Or is it only a certain type of person? I find it hard to believe that you can scream and be happy at the same time. Clearly there are cases of injustice, where screaming may be necessary. But for some people it’s all “me, me, me”, and this doesn’t bode well for happiness. Such people come across as the permanently aggrieved and outraged. It’s as if they have to be complaining about something all the time. It’s as if they only care about themselves and not what other people want. I think these must be very unhappy people.

There is an antidote to this attitude and it is contentment. I say again, this is not referring to matters of injustice, it’s about a sense of entitlement, a feeling that the world owes you and you’re going to scream until it takes notice. That’s what toddlers do! Contentment seems to be a lost art. I know what it’s like to moan all the time – it’s not a fun place to be and it’s not attractive to others. Who wants to be around a whinger except other whingers? 

Here’s what the Apostle Paul had to say on that subject: “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Paul attributed this ability to be content to his relationship with Christ. By seeing everything in that context, he was able to go with the flow of life on earth, knowing it is transitory and he was looking forward to better things. 

Contentedness on earth is a thing to be treasured. This doesn’t mean you can’t strive for improvement or betterment. Of course you can. It does mean not being overwhelmed by setbacks. And it means improving yourself for the benefit of others, too. If we are navigating our way through that complex matter of God’s will, we will not see setbacks as of necessity bad things. It comes down to trust. Trusting that in all things God is working for your good. This will mean ultimately laying aside “me, me, me” and focussing on Him.

(Check out 1 Corinthians 9 and see how Paul positively gave up his rights to further the gospel.)

Another Brick In The Wall?

Is that how you feel? Just another brick in the wall? An automaton that society has turned out? Not essentially different from anyone else? Manufactured, cemented into position, unable to move, having to stay where you were put because you have no choice? Wanting to break free and be different? How depressing!

Take a look at houses and walls. Bricks come in all shapes and sizes and colours (take a good look at the bricks in the picture and see if you can spot two that are the same!). Bricks do not speak of conformity, but of creativity. Bricks are in place intentionally to ensure that a construction is stable. Bricks speak of strength.

“Unique” has become a devalued word. It means one of its kind. But today people speak of all sorts of things as being unique when they’re not. Some people speak of something or someone being “very unique”, which is a nonsense phrase. Or, being more generous, hyperbole. What is unique is you. Every one of us is unique. We may look like some other people, but we’re not them. We may think the same as some other people, but we’re not them. We are unique, just like everybody else!

We’re individuals, able to do things other people can’t do. We have different gifts and talents. Yes, you may think you’re useless at everything, but this isn’t the case. And it should really not be too difficult to find out what your strengths are and play to them. While we’re individuals and not part of a collective blob of humanity, we should still realise that we’re part of a society of individuals (indeed, of many societies). While it may be liberating to realise that you’re unique, it’s also liberating to use your gifts and talents not only for your own benefit, but also for that of the common good. Not because you are forced to, but because you want to. This is philanthropy.

Helping others is said to have a feel-good effect. This may be due in part to the feeling of satisfaction at helping, partly to interaction with others as a combat to loneliness, partly to seeing that other people are more in need than you are (engendering a sense of gratitude and empathy). It may help to reduce stress, find friends, reach out to a community, learn new skills, and even advance your career. 

Being “another brick in the wall” doesn’t have to be a negative concept. It all depends on your attitude. You can break free to help others and boost your self-esteem into the bargain.

Stop apologising for things you've never done

Have you had the experience where someone apologises to you when they’ve done nothing wrong? Or maybe you do it yourself? You’re walking along and someone is coming towards you. You move left to avoid them and they move to their right. You move right and they instinctively move to their left. Sorry! You’re absentmindedly walking to the queue in the supermarket at the same split second as someone else. Who should go ahead? Sorry, you go first. No, you go first. You’re having a conversation with someone. They’re talking. You sneeze. Sorry! 

None of these situations need an apology. In none of them is something deliberately done wrong. So why do we do it? Is it some sense of guilt? Or just a social convention? Does it do any harm? 

I think we should be saying sorry when we have deliberately done something wrong. That should be clear and obvious. But what about unintentional wrongs? Political Correctness has created a minefield. You can say something which is inoffensive in your mind but someone slams you because you used a word they don’t like. Should you apologise in this situation? If it was unintentional, I would say you don’t have to, but it’s your call. Is the other person just trying to make you feel guilty when you have no need to? I remember somebody was in this situation and he basically said “I’m sorry that you took what I said like that”. This is a reasonable compromise. You’re not accepting guilt and are allowing the other person to see you didn’t intend to offend. 

Guilt is a funny old thing. Some people say we shouldn’t feel guilty about anything. This just seems wrong to me. It says you’re always right – you’re your own judge and jury and are always found innocent. It’s anarchy. Some people say we should feel guilty about everything. This is usually in the context of religious belief. This is also wrong. It treats the act of being human as a sin and doesn’t allow God to forgive you. I don’t see how either of these are conducive to happiness.  They deny reality in their own way.

There’s a way to be free from guilt and that’s to acknowledge when we’ve done something deliberately wrong, admit it and, where necessary and possible, make amends. In a Christian context, this would also involve confessing the wrong to God, asking forgiveness, determining not to do it again, then getting on with life. 

We can unintentionally do wrong things. In the eyes of the Law of the land, you would be guilty of a crime whether or not you knew it was an offence. It can be the same in the eyes of God. It’s possible to use a general confession, asking blanket forgiveness for such things. This doesn’t imply that everything you’ve done is wrong. I don’t think God wants us to feel guilty for the sake of it. After all, Jesus died to remove our guilt, so why would He want us to wallow in it?

Galatians 5:22-23 gives us a blueprint for guilt-free Christian living. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” And when we fail, “if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father--Jesus Christ, the Righteous One” (1 John 2:1).